The classic carol Good King Wenceslas is a holiday staple, telling the tale of a kind king helping a poor man on a snowy night. But what if the story took a hilarious turn? This revamped version of the famous Christmas carol adds a contemporary twist, complete with health food shops, organic juices, and a vegetarian king’s servant!
In this light-hearted retelling, written by Tony Maude himself, the traditional feast of meat and wine is replaced with chamomile tea, carrot juice, and rice cakes. It’s a festive parody of our modern, health-conscious world, perfect for sharing a laugh during the Christmas season, especially with the vegetarians in your life!
Keep scrolling to find both the lyrics and the recording below:
The Lyrics: A Vegetarian Remix of Good King Wenceslas
The story follows the kind king’s effort to accommodate a vegetarian man, only to find that his gift of healthy foods is less than well-received! Enjoy Tony’s imaginative, fun and catchy new lyrics
Good King Wenceslas last looked out
On the feast of Stephen,
When the snow lay round about,
Deep, and crisp, and even.
Brightly shone the moon that night,
Though the frost was cruel,
When a poor man came in sight,
Gathering winter fuel.
“Bring me flesh and bring me wine,
Bring me pine logs hither;
This night we’ll see him dine,
You and I together.”
“Forgive me, sire,” the servant said,
“I know that man quite well.
He drinks no beer, no wine or flesh;
He’s a vegetarian.”
The good king didn’t battle it,
In that case, he declared:
“Get down to the health food shop,
And buy some wholemeal bread.
Chamomile and carrot juice,
Make sure it’s organic;
We’ll still go down in history,
If we just don’t panic.”
So off he went to the health food shop,
The centre of well-being,
Which a friend of mine unkindly calls
The centre of well-meaning.
He bought chamomile and carrot juice,
Seaweed and sea salt,
Rice cakes with no texture,
And no taste at all.
When they came to the old man’s house,
He met them at the door:
“Forgive me, sire, thanks a lot,
But I don’t need that stuff no more.
To be honest, I can’t stand it;
I tried it for a while.
It wasn’t just the taste,
It actually made me ill.”
If looks could kill, the lad was dead,
But the good king kept his cool.
“For such mistakes, you’d lose your head
In my book, as a rule.
Now get down to the butcher’s quick,
Buy tripe and pudding black,
Rabbit, venison, and pheasant,
Rashes and rump steak!”
So everything turned out all right
On that feast of Stephen.
The king went down in history
And died a happy man.
And the lad, he rose up through the ranks,
Became a politician,
And a holier-than-thou, die-hard
Vegetarian.
Listen to the Audio and Join the Festive Fun
In a world where more people are embracing plant-based diets and sustainability, this playful twist on Good King Wenceslas resonates with a modern audience.
Not only does it spark laughter, but it also gently pokes fun at the challenges of catering to dietary preferences. Whether you’re a carnivore or a vegetarian, this version of the carol bridges the gap with humour and goodwill.
You can listen to the audio version of Good King Wenceslas (Vegetarian Remix) here. Its witty lyrics and catchy tune make it the perfect addition to your holiday playlist.
Love this parody? Share it with your friends and family this festive season! If you’re hosting a Christmas gathering, consider playing this unique version to get everyone laughing and talking!
Or find out more about the original Christmas favourite – here.
